We had to coat check the pizza.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
