i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
