If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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