Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
