Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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