it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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