I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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