Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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