beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
