I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my shit smells like andre
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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