The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize