Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
