I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
