I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
