No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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