the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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