We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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