Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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