i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize