If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
