sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
