apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
