Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
