I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
