Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
