Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
