I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
