well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
