Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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