put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
