Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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