Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
