This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
