Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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