hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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