Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
