You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
