On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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