i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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