when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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