So drunk its hurt
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
