Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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