There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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