Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
