Pappa wants mamma naked
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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