so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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