for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
