I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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