around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is classic penis vs brain.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize