Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
