I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i now understand why vodka
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
