i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nobody cheats on THIS.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
