Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
