I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
