i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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