My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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