I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
