It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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