he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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