Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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