Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
