are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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