You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
