Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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