life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
