I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
