He asked to "fluff my boner.."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
