no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
