i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
