How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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