To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
