I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
