Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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