What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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